Monday, December 21, 2009

its 1 more day to taiwan....its quite amazing as in...eventually we still get manage to wait till this day....all the ups and down we had....at times i just feel..that..something is still not right...i cant help but feel this way...esp...somehow...i got a chance to read her email..and saw all the mails she had with sean.....

All the contents of the email...i really don noe how to say....it content some things which i didnt expected it to be.....cause i did ask her sth regarding her and him..but she told me it didnt happen...but from the emails i read thru...it seems like it actually did happen....so....i'm quite sad abt it actually...

i guess i'm just stupid and naive to have believe wad she say..besides...based on her personality..i shldnt be surprised too...i guess things are not as simple as i thought it would be ba between them..

dats y...the phrase...sometimes its better not to know the truth...cause the fact is truth does hurts..and the truth is always more than u expected it to be....i guess the word overnight from her email..just sum it all up isnt it? maybe i'm too dumb..too blindly in love....u know...this trip might be the only thing that is holding us on..dats y she can tolerate me till now..i wonder if....after we come back from taiwan....will things start to change?? i'm afraid...but i know i cant stop it from happening if it is bound to happen...if dat really happens...that i know...wad she's doing every night when we hang up...or when i call her and she doesnt answer my phonecalls...

i'm silly isnt it?

jeff

{ i was alone at 8:46 am}

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Wednesday, December 02, 2009

ppl always that dreams wont come true...but you know....i had a dream lately which i think somehow eventually...will happen to me...i'm really terribly upset by wads going on...i really need someone by my side....and sad to say..its not her...she has to be dere for someone....what does this really mean....i'm still puzzled.....ur actions don really tally on wad u say....is this call love? always take the 4 yrs relationship to say.....i really out of words...

its a little ironic...don ur think so? when u need ur gf the most...she tells u she have to be with her ex....cause...somehow she is worried that her ex might do sth stupid...like ending his life...just because...the sms he send to her..makes her think tat...he might do sth to hurt himsef....honestly if a person at his age will resort to such things..i really nth to say....in the first place..y did he cherish her and even lie to her abt his age..than now lose her..than regret...sigh..this is really making me feel so uncomfortable...the both of them are not even affected...i;m just the stupid idoit foolish guy who is affected....cause in their head..only has this phrase..i'm so happy that i can see u....and i don care abt anything else..even my bf....

her whole mind is only abt meeting him....sometimes makes me wonder wad am i really to her.....its quite diff for me to love her....i so upset....very....i was like stun when she tolme...i really donno how to react..my expression just change immediately..i cant help it..at some stage..i even felt like crying....but i know..its useless....crying in front of her only makes me more stupid....

i don feel like studying...it totally just spoils my whole week to be honest.....know why am i so affected???? honestly i also don noe...i seem quite possessive over her...but i cant seem to just let go....whenever i try to tell myself tat..just let her go ba...have a softer approach...perhaps will make her feel weird...

if a person mean alot to you... will u always think for her? as in wadeva actions u do or wadeva things u say or anything...you will always try to spare a thought for him/her so as not to hurt her/him or let them have the best in everything...in the past i admit i didnt do all this for my ex gf....now i really know how it feels...the more i feel i'm like my ex gf...the things i say..seems...sigh.. karma rmb? if this goes on...i'm very sure the relationship...will end....sooner or later....

i'm really trying my best le...to give u everything i could...but if things still don work out...dere's nth much i can do.....typing his last phrase just makes me wanna tear...sigh~

{ i was alone at 3:34 pm}

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