Monday, November 30, 2009
its been a rough week for me lately....with my exams just a week away..i really don feel the urgency in me yet...perhaps i have other thoughts on my mind that just keep bringing me away from it ba....
i just keep telling myself..oh i will have time to study...just let me do my stuff firsts...but as it goes by...its down to 7 days left..and i have not even start on it...thats how bad is it...i don noe y....i'm not feeling good...i just don think i will be able to concentrate....i really doubt i can...and i know if i fail..deres many things coming my way...dat is bad ones off course....
i wonder if my relationship is starting to hit the rocks.....they always say deres a honeymoon period...i guess...my is over and its actually taking a huge u-turn towards the bad side..it seems like..a black hole is sucking the relationship into the bad way...
i need someone by side...i don think i can do this all alone although i know i have to...i need motivation...i need company...i need love.....i just need attention....not just simple telling me to study..its not gonna help...but i guess..all this..wont come from my gf ba i guess...i wonder if she is feeling a sigh of relief...thinking...at last i get to breathe..away from him..i have been stuck for so long with him..i guess she must be feeling happy that i'm having exams and i am not able to see her..and she can do wad she wants and have all her freedom in the world...
don noe how this few weeks will be to me...i'm already so affected just by thinking..sigh...haiz..if it will happen i guess deres nth much i can do....u know i feel...she might be already contacting someone else...cause...last nite i saw this unknown person sms her saying Hi...you busy? ....it did affect me...she just told me its someone she know 3-4 mths back.....i really don blive all that..just play by the ear ba..
i just hope..she's not because i'll be having exam than don break with me or upset me..cause she knows that if she does all that i will be very upset and no mood to study.....at times i do feel she really wanna leave me ...for someone else..i shall not eleborate further....sigh.....
{ i was alone at 2:40 pm}
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Tuesday, November 24, 2009
just a night and a few sms...and a phone call...just makes..someone changed overnight...i don noe...why do i always have to go thru this...first is the guy who likes her..now its her ex...i'm feeling really upset..i can feel my eyes are getting a little watery..but i wont cry...cause nvm...
maybe things are starting to get a little tired for her....cause she starts to say perhaps we shldnt meet everyday...at a point of time when i think we are just starting to get close to each other......nowadays in msn..we don chat much either....
action always speaks louder than words....no point saying you love someone almost everyday...when u don even meant it..or perhaps ur saying it just for the sake of saying.....the only reason i can think of when she say we shld'nt meet everyday is perhaps....she is getting sick and tired of me....and she is basically meeting for the sake of meeting..u know this really sounds quite familiar....
my 3yrs with my ex is also like that....but i think karma is really getting into effect on me....as in whatever bad stuffs i did to my ex........i'm actually experiencing all this in just a matter of months....i'm sorry..sorks....
it seems like all this is so much for me to take..it really is...giving up is always on my mind....i really don noe if i shld....sigh...with things starting to fall apart and things starting to get a little blend...its hard not to believe if she is really getting sick and tired of me..and is with me....just for the sake of being with me...
{ i was alone at 9:23 am}
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Monday, November 23, 2009
In just a blink of an eye...my exams are coming....followed by our first overseas trip..taiwan......lately lots of things happen since the last time i wrote here.....well....don really wanna go into details..it will take ages...but all i can say is...even after so much happen...still i feel at times...dere are still things i'm being kept in the dark.......i don noe y am i feeling this way...maybe u think that i'm sensitive...but..i feel......he's still ard...
just that i don noe abt it thats all...i wonder y trust is so hard to achieve...am i kidding myself? maybe i am...cause i don wan to make things worst......
I'm resigned to fate.....i really hope to get my degree...and i will definitely leave my current company for a better work environment and better pay i hope...cause the current work place i'm in is honestly really bad...i really regretted coming to work here.....dere are somethings when u realise only after sometime...but i hope its not too late....next yr this timing..i wont be here dats for sure...working in a place with no prospect and with lousy manager and a lousy boss....its pointless to carry on here......shall not say anymore....
back to my love life.....everything seems to be going smoothly..it seems perfect but i don noe is it really that perfect??? everything she say seems so real....or am i just thinking too much? argz..maybe is the events that happen made he think this way...as usual that same question circulating in my mind......so much queries...but yet..none answer...or rather shld i say..assured...lets quote a example.... "hmm did he sms u or anything lately"? girl replied "no, nth from him or wad lately.." but somehow.....guy saw her actually reply to him in facebook lately cause that guy actually tried to add her in facebook...so girl ask the guy y he wanna add the her and continue by asking him how is he lately?? cause she is afraid that her bf will know abt this guy.... if she accept his add request.....
weird isnt it? it somehows puzzled the guy when she say the guy didnt contact her..sigh isnt it? sometimes guy felt like giving up and just let them be together.....cause its quite bad to always think abt all this things...be it..it really happen or not?
and guy exams are coming...certainly....the girl won wanna meet him...sigh..is this a good thing or bad thing....thought its a good thing for the girl cause the guy can study...but....bad..thing...think i shall not elabrate....
It still comes down to this phrase..." If something is meant to be yours....it will be...." ironically girl..did mention this to guy b4.....perhaps it didnt make sense now...but in future will it make sense...its still a question mark......i know i gonna be sad...if that happens...i'm a pessesmestic person by nature...low-confidence....i suppose the guy who likes her is totally opposite from me...high-confidence......have a stable career.....well..we'll see in yrs...if she gonna change....dere's practically nth much i can do...dats life...
{ i was alone at 5:48 pm}
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Monday, November 02, 2009
its been weeks since i last blog....cause due to my reservists and everything...luckily....it went smooth...so thats the good thing....but...still...dere been some ups and downs..throughout this period of time...which i don really know where shld i start...
some questions that surround my mind asking...shld a couple keep secrets from each other? or like is really okie for each to have their own secrets....meaning shld either party choose to do something...that they know might eventually hurt the other....means they rather keep it to them selfs than to let it out???
i'm currently facing a person that is exactly just like me when i was with my ex gf....sometimes i ask myself if she was send my heavens to punish me for wad i have done to my ex...cause...wad she is somehow acting like me...and i was......like my ex....so now i know how she felt last time.....i don noe if ur ppl reading how would ur think abt this...she wanted to lend me her hp cause my hp low batt..but she ask me to promise her not to read her sms.....u know i was thinking...if she has nth to hide..y tell me this??? i know its ppl privacy...so dats where keep secrets come into play....if she is actually sms-ing mushy mushy things to other guys......so thats y she don wan you u read....and rather keep it as a secret.....so my question is ...is this okie?? how many of ur can accept it? sighz.....if u ask me....i cant...but for her..i have no choice but to..........
i wonder if someday if she meet other guys will she let me know?? this is part of another privacy.....wad if she tells u shes actually going for some event thing..but actually she is actually going to meet some other guys? but she don wan to hurt u..so she keep it as a secret and rather not let u know...cause she thinks its okie for her to do that..
its not that i don trust her...its the things that she says just makes it a little hard for me to trust her...
so like that ba.....what am i supposed to do?
{ i was alone at 4:10 pm}
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