Wednesday, October 14, 2009

dere are somethings...which i keep telling myself that... i shldnt really think....but..as each day just pass....i wonder how long can i take...dere so many things deep down in my heart...and its accumulating each day...so many questions waiting to be answer but i guess its never gonna be....cause i don noe and i don get a chance to...

sometimes are just happening to often as in a simple...batt flat incident cant be used too many times..as it will aroused suspicion...i think i'm the only fool that truely believe..but deep down..i'm starting to think perhaps for each incident...wad i thought is actually true... i don noe wad to do....if i ask...i know things wont be surface...if someone is bound to lie...or keep things from u..no matter wad u do..eventually u will nv find out the truth....

the guessing game is really a tired one...someone might tell u that she actually make things clear to a guy..but whether did it really happen is one thing...and if she didnt...she will have to lie and lie and lie...till the day maybe i cant take it and i just leave her? i wonder if thats wad she really wants...cause i cant seem to read her mind....perhaps..i'm just not that good enough for her to totally give up everything .....am i too demanding? or perhaps she's just too playful and not serious? all this thoughts is circulating my mind..its really draining me...i have to constantly think of that....

sometimes i just feel like really telling her everything i feel...but i know if i do that..everything will end in an instance...cause she will think that i don trust her...i wonder y i cant see to trust her at the moment? is it because i think she's still keeping things from me?? or perhaps i feel...i simply just don trust her......

i cant seem to bear to end everything...thought the feeling is getting stronger for me...perhaps i'm just waiting for someone to trigger and i guess dats it....how nice if u could spare a little thought for me...i truely love u alot...but..it seems to me that...ur still not being open to me abt everything??

i guess i failed again...i failed to trust her....sooner or later...i'll just end this......will i?

{ i was alone at 1:17 pm}

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Tuesday, October 13, 2009

1 - Its her perfume smell that attracted him to her...


2 - Its abt her rare cute smile that melt his heart...


3 - Its the first impression of her that is so true and pleasant to him...


4 - Its those moments when he is driving and able to see her sleeping so soundly in his car hugging the pillow....


5 - Its how she calms him down when he gets angry and gets nervous at times...


6 - Its how comfortable they can get when they are together even if they are doing nth...


7 - Its those aimlessly walking around on a lazy afternoon holding her hands that is so nice...


8 - Its how she always spare a thought for him and always asking him to be nice to his parents...


9 - Its that fateful day of june 23rd that started everything....


10 - Its the things that she do for him even thought its hurtful to her.....just to show that she really loves him alot....

{ i was alone at 3:54 pm}


right now.....i'm actually not feeling good.....sometimes i wonder if this is really retribution to me..for wad i have done in my previous relationship....i'm not complaining here...i'm actually really lost again~ now u know i have her by mine side...it seems that i'm feeling even more unhappy...it seems her body is around but not her soul and heart....which really makes me wanna think it over..if she is really the right one for me.....

i was really upset by wad happen last nite...u know...at the point of time i really felt like just giving everything up...cause it seems too hard for me to take..this feeling....now i really know how my ex felt..whenever i keep hanging her phone..i'm sorry...so wads next? i wonder...and last nite i had 2 dreams abt her...its really a sad and bad one...hard to put in words here..but...i can say its not a happy one but in fact a really scary and sad one.....

still...i feel...she will perhaps meet the guy...though she told me she made it clear to him that they shld stop contacting each other....somehow i feel maybe she's giving herself more choices....honestly..the trust is still not dere yet....she can tell me this..but whether if its true....its still up to her to know herself...i'm not sure if we are going to be together....if this goes on..the more unlikely it is going to happen....

{ i was alone at 9:10 am}

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Monday, October 12, 2009

are things suppose to be like this??? i wonder y am i behaving this way....argz...i'm like living on drugs...Shit...y y y......................................................................................i feeling..sad....scare...afraid....feel like i'm lying to myself....and being lie..being taken like a fool? wad else...i'm plained....stupid....stupid~~

now i'm starting to wonder if wad my friends say really make sense...sad to say..i'm really hurt....i feel i being treated seriously like a fool...i being hooked by her...she's knows i wont give her up easily and she is playing me??? i really don noe...dere are still so many questions surrounding me...which i cant seem to find an answer......

sad....~this feeing is so hard to handle...~ i'm drained~ really....

{ i was alone at 10:10 pm}


lately many things happen...i have so much thought on mind....till i cant really remember all of them...lets see wad i can think of......

the deepest one in my mind is no doubt my relationship with her...somehow we are getting closer and closer to each other as each day..or as each time we meet....but don noe why..i'm getting this feeling that somethings might not be as good as wad i see now...cause seems like deres still something that is missing...and u know....i got to say...i don really trust her 100% at the moment....maybe if i noe we are not really together...and she still has 2 other guys in her mind...trying to forget them.....i wonder...

she told me she likes this guy last time...time and time again she while talking to me on the phone..she accidentially called out his name?? sighz i really don noe.....i'm quite upset by it to be honest....but now she's trying to explain to him..and she cant put in words how to tell him that she actually don like him le.....i wonder..if someday...the same thing might happen to me....if she know other guys?? and i wonder if shes actually telling me the truth...cause it seems that they are still so closed to each other...~

the next thing...is abt her ex...but again...the same thing she say that she somehow told her ex abt us...but...it don really sound true though when she say those stuffs...so ya.....eventually it still comes down to the trust....cause i feel..i'm not getting it from her...

3 guys over her.....i wonder if i am the dumb one or the fortunate one...fate shall decide for me...if somehow we don end up together..which i starting to think again that we really might not be...than i guess i'm a fool right from the start..really don noe how how am i going to take it shld it happen someday...

my best friend wife...told me to somehow...go date other girls...instead of just sticking to her..cause she's not really completely into me yet..thats wad she say..cause of his ex and that guy...shld i really do that? to me honest...i quite confused too... wad she say do make sense.....but i don really have the habit of dating other guys while concentrating on one....but..i'll see...i don noe...

sometimes i feel shes really into me..and sometimes i feel she is not....i cant help it but feel this way when i think of the guy and her ex......sighz......i really got no mood to work today...

{ i was alone at 9:56 am}

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Friday, October 09, 2009

don noe why...this morning i wake up.....i'm not feeling good....even till now...my heart is really hurting argz....the pinching feeling is terrible....i just got to tell myself to take it easy cause if sometimes i make a mess out of it...the end result might be bad..and i know i will regret....cause i've already come some distance....if things just end all of sudden..i wonder how will i be able to take it...

i wonder if your ever have this type of feelings....whereby...the more ur afraid to lose someone....u might eventually lose him/her......cant be help...cause u know u haven really get that person...but even though ur may seem very closed to each other....someone will make u think that u really stand a high chance to be with her...but end up..ur are not? this is wad i call...with high expectations come great disappointment.....isnt it? guess thats life....

many times i tell myself...maybe i'm starting to take things a little too tense.. i shld just let go and see....i guess the trust level isnt dere yet...i don noe y....somehow i feel....somethings aint right..and i don noe wad it is that is making me feel heart wrenching....but i know...i cant probe so much cause once i start to...i will keep doing it...and i know she wont like it de....i just got to tell myself if things are not meant to be between me and her......than....so be it ba....my reservists is coming...dats my main concern....

{ i was alone at 9:11 am}

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Wednesday, October 07, 2009

hmm....i havent been blogging for 5 days....as lately...my laptop crashed...and i have to send for repair and i have been living without it for almost a week and the feeling is really terrible.....so not used to it...sigh...but at least dere's someone to keep me company over my memorable weekends.....

i wonder if your ever have this feeling that..the first person u hope to see each day u wake up and the last person u get to see b4 u sleep is your love one? somehow all my life i've thought abt this and somehow it happen....and i really get to feel wad it really mean and the feeling is really heart-warming......

i'm really happy...cause i guess i've found someone whom i think is the right one ba.....not just in terms of feelings..but in terms of personality and understanding each other well....i feel that we do feel the same way towards each other...

now is just to see if eventually will we be together?? its a big question mark to me...cause of some matters ba...but i'll just do wad i can and see if dat really happens....u know..if it doesnt...i can only say that...perhaps i havent try harder enough...but i know i'm happy with her and she's happy and comfortable with me.........

perhaps the only concern i have is that..will her feelings for me be just a short term one? cause..though we are so close to each other at the moment...i guess i shldnt go think abt that for the moment..like my friend told me..i shld take things a step at a time...so as not to complicate myself..and just enjoy and cherish the time i get to spend with her.....

its never easy to find someone who is able to click with u...understand u..and accept u eventually....for me i guess i'm still between the stage of understanding and making her try to forget her past and accept me....i wont give up for sure..unless...she does....

{ i was alone at 11:15 am}

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Friday, October 02, 2009

Just feel like letting out something...early in the morning i receive a note on my table to attend some meeting on monday...and its at hougang plaza 11am....give to me by myF***ing manager...i really cant take his stinking attitude anymore...now he needs a flavour for me and he makes it sounds like its li shuo dang rang...so i just tell him back..very far..if i got car than i go..than he like say....if no car than u no go la? i just kept quiet...cant be bothered with him...he is only nice to ppl when he really needs a flavour..now he talks to me as if its my duty..just because my another irritating colleague is on leave than the ball is being thrown to me...hate this company more and more le....

One day if he is going to pissed me off further he is going to get it i swear i will let it out..and just quit my job...sigh...don understand y is he like that..his EQ is seriously a big fat zero...only always thinking abt this own interest and not his colleague....or perhaps ppl that is close to the boss so as to hope the people will say his good things in front of the boss...crap...

nvm...don wanna let this spoil my long-waited weekend..=)

{ i was alone at 9:56 am}

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